Life is tough and weird and crazy. Sometimes it's hilarious, and sometimes it's painful. There's times when we rejoice, and times when we suffer. But the bad times are much easier to bear with people you love, and the good times are that much better when shared with them!
The past few months have been just as bizarre for me. There were times when I felt absolutely alone, refusing to allow anyone to break my self-imposed isolation. Thankfully that's been more than offset by the immense love and joy that I've been given recently. I sometimes whine that I don't "deserve" it, but love is something you cultivate. It doesn't just fall on top of you like a chandelier while you're reading Tolstoy.
I have likewise had ups and down in my training, which I've mentioned in other posts. In the fall, I buried myself in a dark place due to my overtraining syndrome. In January I could've easily fallen into a similar pit of despair due to a horrible stomach thing, but thankfully I didn't allow myself to do so. Someone has recently entered my life who makes me feel genuinely blessed. She's reminded me that I want joy in my life, and that secluding myself is just an indulgence.
That may seem weird, that choosing to feel bad is an indulgence. But it is. Ultimately we decide how we react to the events in our lives. We can choose to focus on the bad stuff - the disasters. We can choose to take for granted the good stuff - the minor miracles. Or we can take it all as an opportunity to grow, become stronger, to prosper, and to be more joyful.
Being alone brings a sort of comfort. It's a familiar pain. And when you're alone, nobody can hurt you, and you can't hurt anyone. I've hurt a lot of people in my life. I used to be very selfish, and now I recognize that fact. I feel guilty for having hurt people. And yet, when I talk to those old friends, expressing my regret, they forgive me! The guilt doesn't help anyone, it just acts as an excuse to not change. I embrace change now. It excites me and brings constant improvements.
I don't really celebrate Valentine's Day, or most holidays for that matter. One may argue it's just a commercial holiday, meant to sell greeting cards and chocolates. One may say, "why do you need a special day to express how you feel?!"
But it's a day of focus. Today, I can't not think about love. The love I have to give, and the love many others have so generously given me. It's a day I can say "I love you!" to my dear friends without making them too squeamish (although I generally don't mind making folks squirm a bit with my sappiness these days). And even with the cards and chocolates and stuffed bears that will go straight into a closet... it brings a moment of warmth. Sometimes it's all too easy to forget how lucky you are to have the people in your life that you do.
I know I've been mentioning love a lot recently. I promise I'll go back to talking about crushing rocks with bare feet! But as always, I write for myself too, and this is a lesson I do not want to forget. I have forgotten it all too often in the past. I can never have too many reminders of how important it is to me. Out of all the highs life has brought me - beautiful nights of music and laughter, crossing the finish line of a brutal race, breaking a brick with my bare hands - love is the one I can point to and say, "this is it. This is why I'm alive."
So to you reader, I love you. And to some special readers, I love you extra :)
|As close as I'll come to flowers!|